I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
