More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
