If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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