This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
