I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
