omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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