im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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