My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
