How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
