Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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