careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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