You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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