True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
