No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
