I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
