Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
