Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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