the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My hand turned me down
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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