the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
