He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
