i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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