i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
