you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
