His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
