Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
