He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
