i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
