can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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