just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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