saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
