So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
