Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
