I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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