Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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