cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
