i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
