if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
