Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
