thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
