This is not my ceiling
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm like, not good at living.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
