Define "chronic" masturbator.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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