His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
