So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
