So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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