i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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