Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
