i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i came on her dog
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
