This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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