wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
