I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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