I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need to calm my uterus...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
