he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize
