You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
