the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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