You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
