it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
